To my Twitter Followers,
What I am about to write right now, I had no intentions of writing or announcing in any matter when I first decided to deactivate my Twitter account. However, after some personal contemplating, I realized that an explanation may be for the best.
My closest friends, whom I still speak with on Skype, are aware of the decision I had made, and some were even present with me when I clicked the "deactivate" button on Twitter.
I had 30 days until I lost EVERYTHING on my Twitter. So, before that happens, I'd like to at least get this message out.
I will leave my Twitter reactivated for about a week, just until a fair amount of people have read this. Because once my job is done, I will be leaving Twitter for good.
This isn't to say my YouTube antics are being retired, though. It just means that I'll be communicating with others in different ways. If you give me links and times, I'll still come and watch live shows of my favourite YouTube utaites~. If I happen to have you on Skype, I'll still talk to you on Skype~. If I owe you a collaboration, FOR SURE, I will send in my lines accordingly~. Nothing else will change... My presence on Twitter will be the only thing absent. ^w^;;;
I had been considering leaving Twitter for about a month now. For the same reasons that I decided to shut it down recently.
Sadness, I understand. I have a lot of it in my life, too. Mostly, from the past, but that's not to say that I'm always happy in the present, either. Many seem to have forgotten that, and soon I found myself being the harbourer of other people's problems. Some, I have willingly taken on, because I could see that they needed help. They never asked me to help them, but I did. At first, it was fine, because it was with friends I had gotten to know over a period of a few months. But then, there were those that showed up, that assumed that it was alright to push their problems onto me, and expected me to not want anything in return other than an ear to listen to and a strong set of shoulders to carry their burdens for them. In some cases, I would give advice, only to have it rejected.
I couldn't enjoy myself on Twitter anymore. What had begun as a little obsession; something to look forward to everyday, became something monstrous. I became a counsellor on Twitter. At first, I thought it was fine... It gave me a purpose, I felt... But then things got out of hand. I had forgotten that I had problems of my own, and I had neglected them to the point where the struggle reflected in my real life. Frequent fights with my parents, I even withdrew myself from family times such as watching TV together or eating at the same time with them just to prevent myself from causing them to fight again.
At this time, I had written "Solitaire," a demo track that I had released on my SoundCloud.
"I'm sorry, Mom and Dad
But, I cannot stay
I was meant to live on
but not in this way
Forgive me, and please take care of little sis for me
'Cause whether she'll know it or not
She's my everything
In this world of 6(7) billion people, I'm all alone
Is this what I'm meant to be, or is there more?
I await the day when I meet the person who'll
take me away from here
And give a better life for you, my dears."
....Anything I write... know that there's a connection to it with my real life. I have yet to release this track due to the fact that I keep crying when I get to the first part of the chorus.
Please, please remember that nobody is ever entirely happy, unless they are clueless of the world around them. I am not that clueless. I know pain... I probably know it more than anybody else, because I've had to suffer it for almost 14 years of my life. The moment I set foot in Canada at the age of 4, all I had ever felt was pain. Humiliated for a name that I was born with, from the day I entered the public school system up until the day I crossed the stage at my high school commencement, conflicts within my family due to financial problems and simply me growing up, not being able to see my parents for the majority of my early life because they would be working until late at night, seeing friends in pain, knowing someone who killed themself because they couldn't bear the pain that I and others had to bear, knowing friends who do all they can to stay away from home to keep the scars off their bodies, knowing friends who were pulled out of such situations and put into foster care, adapting to new schools after making sudden transfers between catchment areas and having to suffer the exact same humiliation over and over again at every single school I went to, being taken advantage of by people who I had originally thought were my friends, having a first love who only ever "loved" me for my body and causing me to feel continuing pain because of it, being a scapegoat who only ever takes in pain and is never allowed to inflict it or express my own.
There should be at least one thing in that list that someone I know or don't know has experienced at least once. Yes, it's a relatively sad story, but please know that I'm not the only one who has that story. The public's chance with me is gone... however, that's not to say that I can't save someone else from having to suffer the same fate.
Here I am, with all my scars, and all my tears... with all my smiles and all my fears. I have loved, I do love, I cherish, even though I withdraw. Know that I came here to sing, not to be someone's counsellor.
"1925", "Mozaik Role", "Calc.", "Just be Friends", "Rewind", "Departures ~Anata ni Okuru Ai no Uta~", "Euterpe", "Parameter", "Kiritorisen", "Sayoko", "Interviewer".... These songs and more... these songs have shown glimpses of my life. I'm not the best singer in the world... I know that. So I make up for it with the emotions I keep bottled up.
That's why I sing. And that's why I can't stay on Twitter. It spoils my purpose of staying on YouTube, of meeting with wonderful people... some of them being my idols from when I first started out on YouTube over a year ago.
Please know that this is not farewell... This is merely a "see you around" and "Please look forward to the many more glimpses I will give of myself to you." I won't be on Twitter anymore, but for sure, if you have my Skype, I'll be on Skype. I will also be on YouTube as well.
So, for those of you who only know me on Twitter... Farewell~! I wish you all the best~ ; u ; ///
To my Twitter Followers,